I just finished my webinar for Management Strategy and Policy.
I absolutely love my professor. She is such an inspiration and encouraging teacher who leads the course with a sense of pure enjoyment. The coursework is demanding, but I've realized that having an instructor that exhibits realism and a bubbly encouragement is quite helpful.
I think that if more people lived life in forward motion happiness that we would all get along much better. We're all guilty of it, of letting our worlds get the better of us for a moment periodically. It's my goal to focus on being me, and letting others be themselves. This is going to require a definite use of alternatives, so as to avoid from placing myself in situations lacking harmony.
It's not going to be easy, but its going to be real... that's the whole point of life isn't it? To be Real.
"The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows" (Buddha).
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
My view in.
I've basically been an outcast my entire life. Not in the sense that I didn't fit in anywhere, or that I never found a similar human on the face of the Earth. No, not like that at all. I have had many friends, some lasting, some educational. I've enjoyed the company of many like-minded, kindhearted souls. However, I've never quite fit in with the family that raised me.
My family is divided with several intersections, relational boundaries that were rarely crossed. Except for me. I lived on those boundaries and slightly to either side, testing out the ways of each side and I have remained strong it trying to find some sort of balance on the inside, in the inbetween. With step parents on both sides, four sets of grandparents, and various sorts of relatives all over the place. I lived with my mother, step-father, and eventually half brother and sister. On the weekends I saw my dad, step-mother, and less eventually half brother and sister.
While I was young, this was both a simple and incredibly difficult task. There were always certain behaviors expected, and also accepted, on either side of the boundary that exemplifies me. I was the friend at school that wasn't around some weekends because I had to "go to my dad's house." Or rather, that was the only time afforded me such an opportunity. Life wasn't bad, but it wasn't smooth sailing most days. I always felt the need to defend either side to the opposing, to try and balance the love I have inside me between them equally, and in their own unique ways. It was the act of this that formed my conflicting personality.
From both sides combined, I learned about how to love, respect, and perceive other people. I learned right and wrong, although sometimes one side was less perceptive to the other, leaving me in the middle to figure out which portions of advice from each family unit made the most sense to me, either in entirety or in fractions. I learned a good hard work ethic - to get what you desire most out of life requires hard work and effort; this was powerful in all avenues of my upbringing.
I learned about family conflict, divorce, and compromising to live a livable, yet dull life in some instances. I learned that life was not always a walk in the park and that it certainly required a strong spirit to pull through from time to time. The understanding that good coping skills would result in a lifetime deserved, complete with struggles to teach the joys of success overwhelmed me. Overall, I learned a lot about life and I gained a good deal of useful advice and wisdom from those that surrounded and still surround my world today.
However, I never felt a part of everything all at once. It was like I fit with the "crowd" on all the right occasions; there were some instances where I felt it was better to simply blend into the foreground. This is something that I learned to do and accepted as a coping mechanism in life. I viewed it as just another one of the famous "ways" of life. Lately, I have realized that this action has caused many people to only know the portions of my being that solidify their perceptions of who they hoped I would always become. It works well, or it did anyways, until I realized that I desire their full acceptance of me as I am... rather than as the fragmented person they see in me.
I'm trying to figure out the smoothest way to approach standing my ground and upholding my ideas on life, without feeling as though many people around me are trying to tell me what I should think about such an aspect of life. It's impossible to agree with everyone all of the time and I think its fair that others take a moment and consider my perspective - what I really think about something or some situation. Although it may be that this appears to be happening, I feel that in life I have to guard who I am or a way that I live my life because someone might not agree with it and would attempt to impose guilt on me for not adopting their thoughts, for not striving to gain their approval through following their lead every time.
I'm beginning to wonder... Is it even possible?
"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis. " (Dalai Lama)
My family is divided with several intersections, relational boundaries that were rarely crossed. Except for me. I lived on those boundaries and slightly to either side, testing out the ways of each side and I have remained strong it trying to find some sort of balance on the inside, in the inbetween. With step parents on both sides, four sets of grandparents, and various sorts of relatives all over the place. I lived with my mother, step-father, and eventually half brother and sister. On the weekends I saw my dad, step-mother, and less eventually half brother and sister.
While I was young, this was both a simple and incredibly difficult task. There were always certain behaviors expected, and also accepted, on either side of the boundary that exemplifies me. I was the friend at school that wasn't around some weekends because I had to "go to my dad's house." Or rather, that was the only time afforded me such an opportunity. Life wasn't bad, but it wasn't smooth sailing most days. I always felt the need to defend either side to the opposing, to try and balance the love I have inside me between them equally, and in their own unique ways. It was the act of this that formed my conflicting personality.
From both sides combined, I learned about how to love, respect, and perceive other people. I learned right and wrong, although sometimes one side was less perceptive to the other, leaving me in the middle to figure out which portions of advice from each family unit made the most sense to me, either in entirety or in fractions. I learned a good hard work ethic - to get what you desire most out of life requires hard work and effort; this was powerful in all avenues of my upbringing.
I learned about family conflict, divorce, and compromising to live a livable, yet dull life in some instances. I learned that life was not always a walk in the park and that it certainly required a strong spirit to pull through from time to time. The understanding that good coping skills would result in a lifetime deserved, complete with struggles to teach the joys of success overwhelmed me. Overall, I learned a lot about life and I gained a good deal of useful advice and wisdom from those that surrounded and still surround my world today.
However, I never felt a part of everything all at once. It was like I fit with the "crowd" on all the right occasions; there were some instances where I felt it was better to simply blend into the foreground. This is something that I learned to do and accepted as a coping mechanism in life. I viewed it as just another one of the famous "ways" of life. Lately, I have realized that this action has caused many people to only know the portions of my being that solidify their perceptions of who they hoped I would always become. It works well, or it did anyways, until I realized that I desire their full acceptance of me as I am... rather than as the fragmented person they see in me.
I'm trying to figure out the smoothest way to approach standing my ground and upholding my ideas on life, without feeling as though many people around me are trying to tell me what I should think about such an aspect of life. It's impossible to agree with everyone all of the time and I think its fair that others take a moment and consider my perspective - what I really think about something or some situation. Although it may be that this appears to be happening, I feel that in life I have to guard who I am or a way that I live my life because someone might not agree with it and would attempt to impose guilt on me for not adopting their thoughts, for not striving to gain their approval through following their lead every time.
I'm beginning to wonder... Is it even possible?
"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis. " (Dalai Lama)
Friday, September 3, 2010
A Peaceful Day
Today wasn't a great day, nor was it a bad day. The weather was mild, the wind blew, and the feeling of fall hung in the air. Work was quite unproductive, again, but not in the sense that nothing got done, its the feeling that I'll never get caught up to a point where I have moments to breathe. However, I elected to keep a pace today in my tasks that left me unstressed from the day's work. As I think about it, my problems are meek in comparison to those of the world. Not only that, but my life really is pretty peaceful and enjoyable these days. Work aside, my largest problem is figuring out what to cook for dinner and how to squeeze in all my school assignments in the evenings, which isn't at all impossible. I'm pretty lucky these days to have a decent job, a happy home, and enough resources to live somewhat comfortably.
Don't have much to say today, but I figured that was something...
And now I'm off to tackle mountains of homework... knowledge comes at a price.
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” (Frederick Keonig, 1774-1833)
Don't have much to say today, but I figured that was something...
And now I'm off to tackle mountains of homework... knowledge comes at a price.
“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” (Frederick Keonig, 1774-1833)
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