I keep trying to convince myself that everything is all right, that I am okay. Lately, I'm starting to think I've been lying to myself in regards to certain aspects of that "being okay." I know I'm happy in love - that couldn't be any better. However, I really miss my old friends. I miss the goofy times we had together, the fun times we had together, even the times when our lives weren't so perfectly pleasant - these times were real... I miss that. It seems like when she told me, "karma's a bitch," that I didn't care, but now I'm beginning to wonder if my struggles are a direct result of some sort of karmic activity... I won't say I'd change how I handled things, but I wish I could have blocked some of the negativity thrown my way. I used to be the kind of person that would do anything for another, simply because they asked, and sometimes even when they hadn't. Now, I'm skeptical about doing for others because I'm concerned they'll drop me at any moment that my life doesn't meet their standards; I've stopped trusting people, and in direct relation to this is my new lack of enjoyment in some areas of life. I need to focus on the things I have to do right now - get my finances in order, move, and hopefully find a job where the organization actually values me as a person, rather than how it is now... When I get through those few tasks, I hope to be in a better frame of mind, one where I might find some new friends... or even just one.
"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." (Walter Winchell)
Thanks for walking in and staying around even when my life was a mess... you know who you are and how much you are appreciated and loved.
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